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by • December 19, 2016 • Lifestyle, NewsComments (0)370

Superego

 

I grew up in a very small place.  (I know you’ve heard this narrative from me many times…)  A small town full of small minds.  I had no heroes.  I had no voice of reason and no one was around long enough to give me any words of wisdom.  I was surrounded by a world of alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse, racism, and poverty.  I didn’t let it consume me.  I don’t know how it didn’t consume me.  I just refused to let it define who I was and who I would become.  “Product of your environment,” did not apply to me.  I used knowledge as a barrier.  I read books on Buddhism, alchemy, the occult, and fringe sciences.  I used nature, meditation, and spiritual ceremony as an escape.  I created a bubble of light around my body and I rode in that bubble of protection for many years.  Eventually that bubble carried me out of that small town.

 

Standing inside of a snow globe, you can’t see past the blizzard; looking in from the outside, you can see the hand that shakes the ball.  Over the past few years I started looking at the people in my life through a much more critical lens.  I started seeing people for who they really are.  I was beginning to listen to what people were truly saying and weigh those words against their physical actions.  I hold people more accountable now.  This type of transformation and enlightenment can quickly alienate you from everything and everyone you once knew.  Complacent or comfortable is an easy place to be.  But when you finally get to that breaking point where you say “no more,” and truly mean it, the world you knew gets much smaller.  I started calling people on their ignorance and prejudice as I stood by my oath of “zero tolerance”.  I was at a breaking point; a pivotal point of change or be left behind.

 

“Equal rights, human rights, social consciousness,” has become my mantra.

This type of cleansing and transformation can be an exhilarating but also very challenging period of adjustment.  There are moments where you feel like you don’t have any allies or friends left in the world.  So often I found myself alone with my “did the right thing”.  I just had to keep reassuring myself that I really did do the right thing.  There are worse scenarios than being alone.  Another birthday has come and gone without one member of my immediate family acknowledging me or wishing me well.  No cards, no text emoticon, not even a single call from my mother.  I guess that’s what I get for holding someone accountable.  I refuse to play the victim any longer.  I am left with a void but also a clear conscience.

 

I can tell you one thing, people do not like to be told that they are wrong.  No one wants to accept responsibility for their actions. Holding a mirror up to someone and making them face reality is the quickest way to start a fight.  It’s not an easy task but it’s something I needed to do.  I need to be able to look myself in that very same mirror and like what I see.  “Equal rights, human rights, social consciousness,” has become my mantra.  Over the years this mindset has gravitated me towards more positive and like-minded people.  These people have formed my new family and they keep me humble and honest while challenging me to be an even better person.

 

In short, I guess this is a letter to anyone who wonders why I am no longer in their life or why I have made the decisions that I have made.  This is also a letter of hope to anyone struggling with what’s right versus what’s easy.

 

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